I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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