I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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