I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
