You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Drunk is a universal language darling
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