life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's blow job season.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
