Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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