im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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