cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
