Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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