I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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