i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My balls are so social today.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
