his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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