If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
