Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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