I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
