very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
