i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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