I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
