It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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