just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
