??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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