I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
