I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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