There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
