He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
