All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
