i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
