your parents love me but you hate me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
either way he was missing a nipple.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
