Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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