when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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