talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
