you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
