I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And my parents said I crawled through the house
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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