I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
