It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
