why didn't you poke me back
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
