The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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