Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he thought i was a dude.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
