He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
