you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i will never coherently bang her
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
