My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
