call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
