Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
