If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
