yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
