Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
