just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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