I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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