I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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