I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
