I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
