You don't have asthma, your pregnant
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
