Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize