My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize