His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
