I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize