Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Randomize