...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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