even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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