I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
