you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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