Your mouth is God's brothel.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
