I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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