i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
third nipple confirmed
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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