so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
