it wasn't lemon gatorade
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
