it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
