I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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